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DOBSON: Childhood ADHD hard to manage
By JAMES DOBSON, Focus on the Family
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QUESTION: Our pediatrician told us he believes our son may have attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Can you tell us what is known about this problem?
DR. DOBSON: ADHD, or attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, appears to be an inherited neurological syndrome that affects about 5 percent of children in the United States. It refers to individuals who are easily distracted, have a low tolerance for boredom or frustration and tend to be impulsive and flighty. Some of them are also hyperactive.
These children have a pattern of behavior that sets them up for failure in school and conflict with their parents. They have difficulty finishing tasks, remembering details, focusing on a book or assignment or even remaining seated for more than a few minutes. Some appear to be driven from within as they race wildly from one thing to another. They are often very bright and creative, yet they’re seen as lazy, disruptive and terribly disorganized.
ADHD children often suffer from low self-esteem because they have been berated as goof-offs and anarchists who refuse to follow the rules. They sometimes have few friends because they can drive everyone crazy — even those their own age.
QUESTION: I’m a single mom who’s labored, sweated, prayed, cried, scrimped, saved, cooked, cleaned, taught and shepherded my children through numerous crises without the help of a husband or father for my kids. I’m having a very difficult time of letting go now that they are grown. Do you have any words of wisdom for me?
DR. DOBSON: My office at Focus on the Family sits across the valley from the United States Air Force Academy. From there I can see the cadets as they train to be pilots and officers. I particularly enjoy watching the gliders soaring through the heavens. The only way those graceful yellow crafts can fly is to be tethered to a powered plane that takes them up to where they can catch a wind current. Then they disengage and sail free and alone until returning to land.
While watching that beautiful spectacle one day, I recognized an analogy between flying and child rearing as a single parent. There is a time when your children need to be towed by the “mother plane.” If that assistance were not available, or if it were not accepted, the “glider” would never get off the ground. But, inevitably, there comes an appropriate moment for a young pilot to disengage and soar free and alone in the blue heavens. Both operations are necessary for successful flight.
If you as a parent are not there for your kids when they are young, they are likely to remain “grounded” for life. On the other hand, if they stay tethered to you as young adults, they will never experience the thrill of independent flight. Letting go not only gives freedom to your grown son or daughter but allows you to soar as well. It’s all part of the divine plan.
QUESTION: You have advised women in domestic violence situations to “get out” immediately. Are you suggesting that any woman who is being beaten should take the same course of action? My husband has only hit me once in a big fight we had. Should I separate from him?
DR. DOBSON: Your situation may represent another category of behavior. A man can become so enraged on a given occasion that he does something he is immediately sorry for and would never do again. That is very different from a repetitive, pathological situation. You will have to decide how you will deal with that exceptional situation, but I would recommend that it become a point of serious discussion between you two. If he hit you once, he can hit you again. You need to set some ground rules that will prevent a similar situation from recurring.
Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995(www.family.org). Questions and answers are excerpted from “Solid Answers” and “Bringing Up Boys,” both published by Tyndale House.
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