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BROWN: What’s so good about being over 50?
By LINDA BROWN, Hold Me Up A Little Longer, Lord
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A business customer told me last week he’d read an article in the latest AARP magazine about the 50 best things about being over 50.
I hadn’t seen the article but before I left his office I’d jotted down 35 things I thought were great about being over 50.
1. The kids are grown. That means several things; the best being we can eat whenever we want and we generate only about six loads of laundry a week.
2. Nobody ever asks me to “hurry” any more.
3. If the bed doesn’t get made until noon, no one cares. Not even me.
4. I’m not expected to wear high heels.
5. I can hum along with elevator music because I can remember when the songs were No. 1 hits.
6. I’ve had the same driver’s license number so long I actually know what it is.
7. The bank doesn’t care if my signature is legible. I’ve been a customer for a long time; they’ll call me if something doesn’t look right.
8. I haven’t pumped gasoline in more than a year.
9. My instincts have always been good. Now I listen to them.
10. Sales clerks no longer insist that I’d look adorable in something that would make me look foolish.
11. I don’t have to do business with people I don’t like.
12. For the most part I make purchases based on desire, not need.
13. A lot of what I buy now I’ll probably never have to buy again.
14. I’ve always been a good confidant because I can keep a secret and don’t gossip. It’s even truer now because half the time I can’t remember what you told me.
15. Everyone knows not to call me after 9 p.m. unless they’re on fire or bleeding to death.
16. I don’t have to put up with bad manners or rude behavior. I can just walk away and not risk charges of child abandonment.
17. I don’t have to have plastic surgery to feel beautiful. I just have to look into my husband’s eyes.
18. I’m no longer humiliated by something I said or did when I was 30.
19. I’m savvy. Finally.
20. I’m past baffling with bull. I’ve moved on to dazzling with brilliance.
21. Because I don’t work at NASA, I don’t have to understand rocket science.
22. By the age of 50, you’ve left a mark somewhere. I recently was presented with a brilliant idea that I’d actually thought of, and implemented, 20 years ago.
23. I don’t have to be perfect. Nothing is perfect.
24. If I’m ever in a hostage situation, my chances of being let go are excellent.
25. I don’t sweat the little things any more. A whole lot of life is little things.
26. The children hardly ever argue with me any more.
27. I get a discount on certain days at certain stores.
28. If I don’t know how to do something I’m not afraid to ask someone to help me learn.
29. I can wear red lipstick and not look like a clown.
30. No one expects me to move furniture so I don’t.
31. If I wore glasses I could keep them around my neck on one of those fancy little chains. That’s not something you can do when you’re 30.
32. I’ve got a permanent get-out-of-jail-free card from the fashion police.
33. I can get out of something I didn’t want to do in the first place simply by saying “Oh, dear, I don’t remember agreeing to that.”
34. I don’t have to think about getting pregnant.
35. I can appreciate the value of time. All those sleek, toned, beautiful 20-somethings will be over 50 one day. I hope I’m around to see it.
Linda Brown is marketing director for The Ottawa Herald. E-mail her at lbrown@ottawaherald.com.
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