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Saturday, October 24, 2009 12:00 PM

LINTNER: From the desk of Master Thomas

By AUDREY LINTNER, Blooming Dells

Editor’s note: The following column by Audrey Lintner was written from the perspective of her 18-month-old son, Tommy.

Hello again. Mama says I am 18 months old now, so I can write some more for you. I am going to tell you about fall. Fall is right now, and there’s lots of important nature stuff to learn.

When it’s fall, you have to wear a jacket and stay inside because it’s raining. Sometimes there are thumperstorms, but mostly it’s just cold and yucky. Daddy says fall is just like Kansas weather because you never know what to expect. A long time ago it was Sunday, and it was warm and pretty all day. The day before that it was cold and the sky looked sad. When you get lots of different weathers, you know it’s fall.

When it’s fall, you go to school because nobody wants to be outside when it’s yucky. I go to school with Miss Shirley, and she teaches me songs. Mama teaches me about books. Books are to read, not to eat. School is good because you can get warm there and learn lots of things.

Fall is when we have Halloween and Thanksgiving. Halloween is when you put on a costume and ask for candy. Mama says to say “please” and “thank you.” It’s dark on Halloween, so you have to wear a coat and carry a flashlight. Grandma has a little flashlight on her purse, and she lets me push the button.

Thanksgiving is after Halloween. Mama says that Thanksgiving is for remembering our grandmas and grandpas who came over here from far away and learned about corn. Mama says we should think about the people who lived here a long time ago and helped take care of our grandmas and grandpas. Daddy says that he would like more turkey, please.

A turkey is a big bird with scaly feet and pretty feathers. Sometimes they live in the woods, and sometimes they come in little jars. Daddy says you should be careful when you drive, because turkeys like to stand in the road and look at you. Mama says you should be careful when you drive anyway, because an elk might walk in the road while you’re reading a map. Daddy says Mama has a good memory.

Another thing in fall is pumpkins. Grandma calls me “punkin,” but that’s different.  A pumpkin is big and orange and makes pie. Inside there are seeds and slimy stuff. Mama says the seeds are good to eat if you cook them. I’m big now, but I can’t use the stove. Mama says to wash the seeds and soak them in salty water for a while, then you can bake them for 45 minutes at 300 degrees. That’s hot, so make sure your mama or daddy helps you.

Daddy says people like to make faces on their pumpkins and put them on the porch for other people to see. Sometimes bad people come along and throw the pumpkins in the street. That’s mean. A pumpkin is a squash, but it’s not nice to squash somebody’s pumpkin. They would be mad if somebody broke their stuff.

If you’re still not sure it’s fall, look at the trees. The leaves turn pretty colors and fall off, and that’s how we get the name. Mama will be back next week. I hope you have a nice day.

E-mail Audrey Lintner at gardenherald@hotmail.com

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