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Monday, October 26, 2009 10:14 PM

LIBRARY LINE: Learning about loss

By LEANNA HETH, Library Line

All of us have experienced loss at some time in our lives.

Jobs are lost, homes are lost to fire, or some other catastrophe. Divorce happens frequently, and children lose life as they have known it, and must learn ways to adjust to a new way of living. Loss can come in the form of the death of a loved one, a dear friend or a much loved pet.

Here at the Ottawa Library, we have several books for children about grieving and loss.

When I was teaching and a child came in with details of something going on in their lives, I often went to the library to look for a book that would help explain, or at least give some comfort. In the past few years numerous books have been added to our collection in the Children’s Department. Books about Alzheimer’s, losing a sibling, grandparent, or friend and divorce are just a few of the subjects our books deal with.

Of these books, my personal favorite is “Tear Soup.” This book deals with the fact that we all grieve in different ways. Some of us have to talk about our loved one, while others hold the tears inside, and grieve alone. Tear soup is salty from our tears, but is flavored by precious memories.

No matter how you grieve, whether it is grieving about illness or death, books can help.  Books can explain things, when we have no words, and can help us escape when we need to get away from things almost too painful to bear.

I’ve told you before that I come from a long line of school teachers. My grandmother and her brother were teachers. My mother, her sister, and brother all taught. My sister and I did not stand a chance.

My mother’s brother, Ray, had a great sense of humor and was a prankster deluxe. I grew up with stories of how he tried to sabotage his sisters and their dates. Things like tying the boyfriend’s car bumper to the bumper of another car, so when they went to leave, the car wouldn’t move. There also was the time he rigged a bucket of water above the doorway, planning for it to dump on the boyfriend. While he waited expectantly, his dad came home, and Grandpa was doused with water.

Uncle Ray was my mother’s only brother. He died last month. He and his wife of 59 years, my Aunt Jo, have been a huge and important part of my growing up and adult life. Thinking of family times together has brought smiles to our faces even though our hearts are sad.

I remember one trip to Denver when I was probably 9 and my dad and uncle sang “How Much is That Doggy in the Window” all the way to the top of Mt. Evans. My uncle was singing, my dad howling. I don’t know if you have ever been to the top of Mt. Evans in Colorado, but it is a tall mountain, and that was a lot of singing and howling.

I would like to dedicate this library line to Uncle Ray. He was a loving, funny, and wonderful man. His motto came from Psalms 118:24: “This is the day which the Lord hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.”

I pass this on to you as my way of honoring him. I’ve found myself thinking of this passage when things aren’t going “my way” and things slide into perspective. I’ve reread “Tear Soup,” and I’m grieving in my own way, for my loss, but I’m also telling you this as a way to help celebrate the life of a unique and much loved man.

Leanna Heth is Ottawa youth services librarian.

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