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Agriculture

Lifestyles

Thursday, July 02, 2009 12:37 PM

DR. DOBSON: Certain childhood behaviors shouldn’t shame you

By DR. JAMES DOBSON, Focus On The Family

QUESTION: My 4-year-old has recently “discovered” his penis and seems rather preoccupied with it. Do you think it’s unusual or sinful for him to fondle himself so much?

DR. DOBSON: The answer to both of your questions is an emphatic no! Unintentional (or even intentional) self-arousal in young children, specifically boys, is neither unusual nor sinful. Your little guy is simply showing that he is “properly wired.” There are no long-term consequences to this kind of innocent childish behavior and it will soon resolve itself.

The only significance to early fondling activity is in how you as a parent deal with it. I’ve received letters from mothers who say they have spanked their preschoolers for touching themselves. Some have described great concerns about this behavior, seeing it as evidence of an immoral nature that had to be crushed. That is a very dangerous posture to take. I suggest that you not make a big deal over it.

QUESTION: That’s easy for you to say. My 4-year-old daughter doesn’t just fondle herself at home, where we ignore it. She rubs herself whenever we are in public, such as at church or at a restaurant. How should I deal with that?

DR. DOBSON: You should respond as a teacher, not a disciplinarian. Take your daughter aside and talk about your concern. Explain that there are some things that we don’t do in public — not because they are wrong, but because they are impolite. Just as you wouldn’t urinate in front of other people, you should not be touching yourself when others can see you. If she continues to fondle herself, other people will think she is strange and some may laugh at her — something you’re sure she wouldn’t like. Your purpose in speaking this way is to sensitize her to the social implications involved in what she’s doing. Show yourself to be firm and confident, not shocked or embarrassed.

The key to your approach is the avoidance of any suggestion that her body is dirty or “wrong” or evil. Such an implication might raise a whole host of other problems for your child that could carry over into adolescence and even adulthood.

Dr. Dobson is founder and Chairman Emeritus of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, Colo. 80995 ( www.focusonthefamily.org ). Questions and answers are excerpted from “Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide” and “Bringing Up Boys,” both published by Tyndale House.

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DR. DOBSON: Certain childhood behaviors shouldn’t shame you

By DR. JAMES DOBSON, Focus On The Family

E-mail this story to a friend | Print this article | Enjoy the convenience of home delivery of The Ottawa Herald.

E-mail this story to a friend | Print this article |
Enjoy the convenience of home delivery of The Ottawa Herald.