|
DR. DOBSON: Drinking alcohol during pregnancy can be devastating
By DR. JAMES DOBSON, Focus On The Family
|
|
QUESTION: I just found out that I’m pregnant. When the doctor told me, he warned me not to drink anything with alcohol in it until the child is born. I’m used to having a few beers after work and I like a cocktail several times a week. Is it really necessary for me to give up all alcohol until my baby arrives?
DR. DOBSON: I urge you to heed the advice of your physician. That precious baby inside of you could be severely damaged if you continue to drink in the next few months. Your child could have what is known as “fetal alcohol syndrome,” which can cause heart anomalies, central nervous system dysfunction, head and facial abnormalities and lifelong behavior problems. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome also is thought to be the leading cause of mental retardation. It is a terrible thing to inflict on a child. Babies can be harmed by alcohol in the blood of the mother at any time throughout gestation, but they are especially vulnerable during the first trimester. That’s why you should not drink during the remaining seven months of your pregnancy; but by all means, don’t swallow a drop of alcohol right now.
You may remember the story of Samson in the Old Testament who terrorized his enemies, the Philistines. Before he was born, his mother was told by an angel that her child was destined for greatness, and that she must not weaken him by imbibing strong drink while she was pregnant. Medical science has now verified the wisdom of that advice. That’s why a similar warning to pregnant women is posted by law wherever liquor, beer or wine are sold.
For you and for all pregnant women and those who anticipate becoming pregnant — don’t take chances with your babies’ future. There is no level of alcohol that is known to be safe. Abstain for the entire nine months. You and your baby will be glad you did.
QUESTION: Sometimes my husband and I disagree on our discipline and argue in front of our children about what is best. Do you think this is damaging?
DR. DOBSON: Yes, I do. You and your husband should present a united front, especially when children are watching. If you disagree on an issue it can be discussed later in private. Unless the two of you can come to a consensus, your children’s perception of right and wrong will begin to appear arbitrary. They will also make an “end run” around the tougher parent to get the answers they want. There are even more serious consequences for boys and girls when parents are radically different in their approach.
Here’s the point of danger: Some of the most hostile, aggressive teenagers I’ve seen have come from family constellations where the parents have leaned in opposite directions in their discipline. Suppose the father is unloving and disinterested in the welfare of his kids. His approach is harsh and physical. He comes home tired and may knock them around if they get in his way. The mother is permissive by nature. She worries every day about the lack of love in the father-child relationship. Eventually she sets out to compensate for it. When Dad sends their son to bed without his dinner, Mom slips him milk and cookies. When he says “no” to a particular request, she finds a way to say “yes.” She lets the kids get away with murder because it is not in her spirit to confront them.
What happens under these circumstances is that the authority figures in the family contradict and cancel-out each other. Consequently, the child is caught in the middle and often grows up hating both. It doesn’t always work that way, but the probability for trouble is high. The “middle ground” between extremes of love and control must be sought if we are to produce healthy, responsible children.
Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995 ( www.family.org ). Questions and answers are excerpted from “Solid Answers” and “Bringing Up Boys,” both published by Tyndale House.
|
|
