OttawaHerald.com -- Community News. Community Connections.

	Franklin County, Kansas, USA

Subscriber Services Home Delivery Gift Subscription Stop-Start Delivery Missing Paper Back Issues Newsstand Locations Shopper Locations

Advertising Services Manage Your Account Place a Classified Ad Place a Display Ad Advertise Online Business Finder Directory

Other Services Submit News Laminated Items Photos & Keepsakes Article Archives Contact Us History of the Herald Our Policies

Suggest a poll topic

2009-11-21

2009-11-18

2009-11-05

Agriculture

Lifestyles

Thursday, September 24, 2009 10:13 AM

DR. DOBSON: The key to good parenting is beyond scientific explanation

By DR. JAMES DOBSON, Focus On The Family

QUESTION: What does behavioral research tell us about the best way to raise children? Have scientific studies spelled out what works and what doesn’t, especially regarding how to discipline properly?

DR. DOBSON: My answer may sound like heresy coming from a man who spent 10 years of his life as a professor of pediatrics, responsible for medical and behavioral research, but I don’t believe the scientific community is capable of determining the best parenting techniques. There have been some worthwhile studies, to be sure, but the subject of discipline almost defies definitive investigation.

Why? Because the only way to study this topic scientifically would be to place newborns randomly in “permissive” versus “disciplined” families and then keep them under close observation for 10 or 15 years. Since it is impossible to do that, researchers have tried to tease out information where they could find it. But family relationships are so multidimensional and complicated that they almost defy rigorous scrutiny. Indeed, most of the studies reported in the literature are scientifically useless.

For example, the late Dr. David Larson, psychiatrist and a researcher at the National Institutes of Health, reviewed 132 articles in professional journals that purported to investigate the long-term consequences of corporal punishment. He found most of them flawed in design. Ninety percent of the studies failed to distinguish between good homes where spanking was administered by loving parents, and those bordering on (or actually inflicting) child abuse. This distinction is critical for obvious reasons. Larson concluded that the findings were invalidated by this failure to consider the overall health of family relationships.

To repeat, the consequences of various approaches to parental discipline appear to be beyond the reach of social research. It is simply not possible to study this complex subject scientifically without warping families to set up the research design. Even if such studies were conducted, the researchers would be studying contrived families — not typical parent-child relationships.

QUESTION: My wife and I are keenly aware of how difficult it is to be good parents, and at times, we feel very inadequate to do the job. How does a mom or dad know what’s best for a child from day to day?

DR. DOBSON: The most dedicated parents go through times when they fear they aren’t responding properly to their children. They wonder if they’re overreacting or underreacting, being too strict or too lenient. They suspect that they’re making major mistakes that will haunt them later on. Fortunately, parents don’t have to do everything right. We all make thousands of little mistakes — and a few big ones — that we wish we could reverse. But somehow, most kids roll with these blunders and come out just fine anyway.

Let me give you what I consider to be the key to good parenting. It is to learn how to get behind the eyes of your children, seeing what they see and feeling what they feel. When you know his frame of mind, your response becomes obvious.

For example, when they’re lonely, they need your company. When they’re defiant, they need your help in controlling impulses. When they’re afraid, they need the security of your embrace. When they’re happy, they need to share their laughter and joy with those they love. Raising healthy children, then, is not so much a science as it is a highly developed art, and most of us have the natural intuitive faculties to learn it.

Take the time to observe those kids who live in your house. If you tune in closely to what they say and do, the feelings behind those behaviors will soon become apparent. Then your reaction to what you’ve seen will lead to more confident parenthood.

Dr. Dobson is founder and Chairman Emeritus of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, Colo. 80995 (www.focusonthefamily.org). Questions and answers are excerpted from “Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide” and “Bringing Up Boys,” both published by Tyndale House.

E-mail this story to a friend | Print this article |
Enjoy the convenience of home delivery of The Ottawa Herald.

DR. DOBSON: The key to good parenting is beyond scientific explanation

By DR. JAMES DOBSON, Focus On The Family

E-mail this story to a friend | Print this article | Enjoy the convenience of home delivery of The Ottawa Herald.

E-mail this story to a friend | Print this article |
Enjoy the convenience of home delivery of The Ottawa Herald.